ALL ABOUT NARCISSISTIC RELATIONSHIP

How to End a Narcissistic Relationship

A narcissistic is someone who has an inflated image of himself. Reveling in self pride and self-admiration, such a person can be very difficult to get along with and if you are involved in a romantic relationship with this individual, it can be even more stressful.

Instructions

The process

1. Step1
   Leave this person as soon as you get the signs of this person looking for greener pastures. Any psychologist would advise to end the relationship as quickly as possible because at some point, the person may get bored and become attracted to other people. It is quite possible that he or she is looking at you as just one of his conquests.
2. Step2
   Ignore them first before they begin to ignore you. Just walk up to the person and tell him or her that since they are not interested, you will walk away.
3. Step3
   Do not engage in any confrontation because narcissists are usually stubborn, and will reject your viewpoint. Do not argue with them. They may blame you for the relationship, but there is no point in voicing an opinion.
4. Step4
   Say "you are probably right," according to your views and that you don't want to discuss it any further and leave it at that. In this way you have not agreed with them and are not opening the door to a possible argument.
5. Step5
   Tell him or her in a face-to-face meeting that you are breaking up because his aspirations and expectations are way too high for your taking. Tell them that he can meet someone better who can complement his pompous lifestyle. You can even say that you appreciate someone who is down to earth, and not someone who is so full of himself.

   How to Understand a Narcissist

   Many people looking for a nice person end up being seduced by a narcissist. To avoid this you should understand how they operate.
   
   
   Instructions

   1. Step1
      Narcissism is a personality disorder. It stems from childhood abuse. Whenchildren decide that the world, and the people in it, are bad and that they are good, they have a skewed vision of life. They see the whole world as revolving around them. They see others as objects to gratify their needs. They lack compassion for others. In general they are incapable of maintaining a healthyrelationship because they have to be in control all of the time.
      
      Often, narcissists are very charming in order to seduce people into liking them. Their ability to seduce people is amazing. They appear confident and therefore exciting. They want you to fall in love and bond with them so they can finally emerge as their true selves without being abandoned.
      
      If you keep your eyes open, you can detect a narcissist's need for control and his or her self-centeredness. If you make a mistake they will be critical and unsympathetic. They will hold you to a high standard and exhibit disdain for what they consider weakness or vulnerability.
   2. Step2
      Both men and women are narcissists. When it comes to relationships, they usually fear engulfment and they:
      
      
      ⋅ Fear losing their identity.
      ⋅ Fear dependency and avoid bonding.
      ⋅ Create rigid personality boundaries (won't let people in).
      ⋅ Are sensitive to everything that leads to bonding.
      ⋅ Lose interest in sex that leads to bonding.
      ⋅ Seduce and withhold to avoid bonding.
      ⋅ Minimize feelings that lead to bonding.
      ⋅ Get nervous when things go well or bonding occurs.
      ⋅ Pick fights and create uproars to avoid bonding.
      ⋅ Want more space or have to run.
      ⋅ Can't make a commitment.
      ⋅ Are indifferent to others.
      ⋅ Feel entitled to be taken care of their way.
      ⋅ Won't put up with discomfort.
      ⋅ Have complete control of the schedule.
      ⋅ Say to their partner "Just stay put while I come and go."
   3. Step3
      Narcissists can be big trouble. O.J. Simpson was a narcissist. He had affairs and did want he wanted until Nicole divorced him and then he went nuts. While it may seem that narcissists are only men, this is not true. Many women narcissists seduce codependent men. There is really no difference between male and female narcissists. Female narcissists used to be called black widow spiders. The male narcissist is Don Juan or a Casanova. Women can also be as physically abusive as men. The most common toxic relationship is between the codependent and the narcissist. Opposites attract and nice people are vulnerable to charming narcissists. Be careful and try to see through the charm.
   
   

   How to Date a Narcissist

   Dating is difficult enough without having to deal with someone who is a narcissist. Unfortunately, society is cultivating a new generation of individuals who are absolutely in love with who they are (Thanks MySpace and Facebook). Unfortunately, this spills over into the dating world and more individuals are finding that they are entering relationships with narcissistic people.
   
   Before you can a narcissist, you must recognize what a true narcissist is. A narcissist is an individual that is in love with themselves. They think the world of their abilities, looks, and believe that they are better than others. If you are dating someone who is always exaggerating their worth, seeking attention, and believing they are better than most, they're probably a narcissist.
   Instructions

   Things You'll Need:

   • Patience

   1. Step1
      Sacrifice Yourself - The first thing that a narcissist desires is that everything be about them. That means the person they are dating must completely forget about themselves and focus on them. A narcissist wants you to make everything about them. During your times together, asking the narcissist questions about themselves and pretending as if the world revolves around them will keep them satisfied.
   2. Step2
      Compliment Them Often - A narcissist already believes that they are the center of the universe so they expect constant positive reinforcement from the people that they date. This positive reinforcement should be given through a barrage of compliments.
   3. Step3
      Give them a sense of control - A narcissist wants to be in control of everything. They want to be able to determine what will happen and how it will happen. Their self-worth is tied to their sense of control and it's important that the people they date allow them to feel as if they are in charge of the relationship.
      
      

      How to Recover From a Narcissistic Marriage

      A narcissist is someone who is infatuated and obsessed with himself. He is egotistical and ruthless in his chase for dominance, gratification and ambition. He has no regard for anyone but himself. According to psychologist Sam Vaknin, narcissists are constantly envious of others, grandiose, self-important, exploitative, arrogant and devoid of empathy for others. To boost their fragile self-esteem, narcissists seek to destroy their partners'. People married to a narcissist often find it difficult to escape from the relationship and recovery can be painful.
      Instructions

      Recovering from a Narcissistic Spouse

      1. Step1
         Know your spouse's narcissistic qualities. Narcissists display jealousy, insecurity, infidelity, control issues, pathological lying, and verbal and physical abuse. In refusing to make excuses for these behaviors you are apt to deem them as unacceptable. Once you leave the marriage, in an effort to win you back, a narcissistic may resort to manipulating you with charm. Realize that unless the narcissist understands that he has a problem and has sought professional help, he will not change. Once he has you again, he will revert to his narcissistic behavior.
      2. Step2
         Understand that you are a complete person on your own. You may have fallen in love with the wonderful traits the narcissist displayed during the onset of your courting or marriage. You may have developed codependency issues as a result. His suave, generous and attentive personality may have blindsided you and satisfied your emotional needs. Learning to be emotionally independent not only helps you to become an individual who can stand alone, but also makes you less vulnerable to the next narcissistic individual who comes along. Value yourself by setting standards for yourself and accepting no less than you know you deserve.
      3. Step3
         Read and educate yourself about narcissism. You can be empowered and liberated by reading about the reasons why being married to a narcissist is not only harmful to your physical health, but also to your emotional well-being. Use the Internet (see Resources) and visit your local library to read literature that provides insight into the dangers of such a marriage. Enroll in a self-help group where you can communicate and bond with others who have endured narcissistic relationships. It is difficult to face the harsh reality that your spouse is a narcissist---someone who does not value you as a person, just as an extension of himself. Give yourself credit for leaving him.

         How to Avoid a Relationship with a Narcissist

         I've written about how to cope once you're in a relationship with a narcissist. But one of the best ways to handle this problem is to not have it at all! Here's how to prevent yourself from becoming entangled in a relationship with a narcissist.
         
         
         Instructions

         Things You'll Need:

         • The ability to educate yourself on how to recognize people who may have this problem
         • Some self-awareness
         • Self-worth

         1. Step1
            First of all, narcissists are often drawn to people who serve their own interests and get them the maximum amount of attention. So if you are an outgoing person with a complex about rescuing people, look out! You are an ideal mate for a narcissist.
         2. Step2
            If you simply must rescue someone or devote your time to something, pick a cause not a person! Stray animals, homeless people, charity work...there are numerous ways that you can genuinely help the world. One of them should not be devoting all of your mental and emotional energy to someone who has a need for attention that can never be filled!
         3. Step3
            Learn to differentiate between people who have real needs and people who are manipulating you for their own personal gain. You should never enter a romantic relationship with someone who claims to need you just to get by! You should only date or become intertwined with emotionally stable people who like you and want to be with you, not who claim they need you to survive. That leads to some very unhealthy emotional patterns.
         4. Step4
            If you find yourself constantly at a loss for "why" someone is doing something, or you think to yourself, "I just can't figure them out", take that as a major red flag. Narcissists have emotional lives and thought patterns like mazes. They do everything for their own gain, and they usually operate outside of a normal rational line of thinking. They can't explain themselves like a normal person communicates, because to be honest they would have to admit that they are doing everything for themselves. It would, in essence, blow their cover to be transparent to you.
         5. Step5
            Beware anyone who tries to make you feel guilty. This is also a red flag that you should take very seriously. Guilt is not love, but it is the main tool of a narcissist. They will use guilt to get your attention, to keep you around, to keep you away from people they don't want you near, to get you to do what they want you to do. Even on small levels like making decisions about what to do on a date. Someone who loves you would never try to manipulate you, they would just tell you the truth about what they want, consider what you want as well, and make a decision.
         6. Step6
            Beware people who try to tell you that their problems are lofty and great, and that they need more time to figure out their problems than other people. This is one of the main tools of a narcissist. They try to keep a mystique about themselves, as though they are deep and mysterious. They think this will keep you around or impress you into not asking them questions anymore. It's bologna and it's manipulation. Don't buy it. In a real relationship, your partner won't treat you like they are greater, more important, or more high-minded than you.
         7. Step7
            Just like people who dole out any other form of abuse, a narcissist isn't really looking for love. They are looking to fill a need based off of their own dysfunction. Remember this, it is the painful truth. If it wasn't you, it would be someone else. It's typical of a narcissist to move quickly from one relationship to the next. Because it's not about love or caring for someone, it's about having someone around to do their bidding.
         8. Step8
            Please, be careful about becoming romantically involved with a narcissist, or even living with one as a roomate. It can be a maddening and sad experience that may scar you. It's just another form of an abusive relationship.
         9. Step9
            If you seem to be consistently attracted to selfish, unstable people or people with narcissistic behaviors, you need to do some self-exploration. Consider therapy for yourself in order to break the cycle of unhealthy relationships. You deserve better!
            
            

            How to Treat the Narcissistic Child

            Narcissism is defined as an excessive preoccupation with the self, a constant need for attention and an inability to recognize the feelings and emotions of others. Adults with narcissistic tendencies tend to be destructive to those around them, but so too can children who exhibit narcissistic tendencies. Treating them means understanding the nature of the problem and applying steps that the narcissistic child can recognize.
            
            
            Instructions

            1. Step1
               Understand that narcissism often stems from a number of internal wounds. The child likely feels bad about himself and is using grandiose or entitled behavior to compensate.
            2. Step2
               Make the child aware of her negative feelings and offer her the opportunity to talk about it. Narcissists are incapable of admitting they have a problem--often because they are afraid of how they will be perceived--but with trust and encouragement, a child may be persuaded to open up. Once the negative emotions are identified, they can be resolved more readily.
            3. Step3
               Don't enable the child. While sympathy and understanding are necessary, that doesn't excuse the child from conforming to the same standards applied to the other children. If you make exceptions or excuse the child, it only feeds his sense of entitlement. When handing down a punishment, make sure the child understands why he is being punished and how his actions have consequences.
            4. Step4
               Speak to the child after appropriate punishment has been meted out. Show her that acting out doesn't get her the things she wants and encourage her to find other ways of seeking her goals.
            5. Step5
               Teach the child to detach from his emotions and observe himself from an objective perspective. Work towards getting him to take responsibility for his outbursts and accept the consequences, rather than letting him blame it all on other people.
            6. Step6
               Work on social lessons designed to improve the child's perceptions. Focus on tasks that involve delayed rewards that she must work for rather than instant rewards she thinks she's owed. Use lessons the differentiate between real crises (such as getting lost on the way home) and small ones (such as dropping a cookie on the ground) and lessons that help her identify and understand the emotional states of others.
            7. Step7
               Encourage the child for exhibiting genuinely good behavior; it helps him to develop a healthier sense of ego.
               
               

               How to Heal from a Narcissistic Mother

               Narcissistic Personality Disorder is "a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy," according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Narcissists are focused on their own needs and lack the ability to recognize and tend to the needs of others, including their children. Healing from a narcissistic mother requires an understanding of the disorder and its effects on you, both in childhood and in the present.
               Instructions

               Things You'll Need:

               • Books on narcissism
               • Internet resources
               • Psychotherapy

               1. Step1
                  Educate yourself. Narcissistic parents, according to Alan Rappoport, Ph.D., are highly controlling in some ways and very neglectful in others. "The children are punished if they do not respond adequately to the parent's needs," Rappoport says. As a result, you may have grown up feeling an inappropriate degree of responsibility for others to the exclusion of your own feelings and needs. You may feel insecure, have low self-esteem, feel your worth only in terms of what you can do for others, and take blame for problems in relationships.
               2. Step2
                  Seek a competent therapist. Psychotherapy is essential for a number of reasons. Primarily, the characteristics of the therapeutic relationship are precisely the opposite of those experienced in the relationship with a narcissistic mother. During the healing process, the psychotherapist will acknowledge and honor your opinions, values and needs. You will experience true empathy from the therapist; your feelings will be noticed, validated and accepted.
               3. Step3
                  Both during therapy and between sessions, begin to explore your identity and goals. In the relationship with your narcissistic mother, you were rewarded with love and acceptance only when you complied with your mother's wishes. Expressing your true self met with disapproval. Accommodating the narcissistic parent's needs became an unconscious behavior. As an adult, this defense mechanism no longer serves the purpose of self-preservation. Therapy provides a nonjudgmental, accepting environment in which to redeem and nurture your own beliefs and needs.
               4. Step4
                  Change your self-image. Children of narcissists often grow up believing they are selfish, unloving, flawed and worthless, Rappoport said, because these are the messages the parents send to control the child's behavior. Over time, the child accepts these messages as truth and complies with them by masking any talents or virtues that contradict the parent's controlling messages. Therapy will help you begin to recognize your positive attributes, including your skills, talents and characteristics, and take steps to express those traits.
               5. Step5
                  Improve your interpersonal connections. Growing up with a narcissistic mother, you experienced a one-sided relationship in which your mother's needs mattered, and you existed only to meet those needs. "In a narcissistic encounter," Rappoport said, "there is, psychologically, only one person present." Healthy relationships consider the needs of both parties. Explore the ways in which your present relationships are meeting your needs or not. Learn how to state your needs and act on them. Examine your actions on behalf of your partner. Which are intentional kindnesses, and which are attempts to win approval or avoid rejection? Be mindful of what you do, and ensure that your actions serve your own best interests as well as your partner's.
                  
                  
            
            
            Tips & Warnings
            • I used to know someone who claimed, "It just takes me longer to figure things out than other people." This thinking phase lasted over a year and I never got any answers as to why there was a sudden change in our relationship. That relationship ended, and we both moved on. But what if I had waited for an answer? I'd still be waiting. A normal person may have to think for a while, but then they can come out and give you an honest answer...even to a hard question. A narcissist will try to keep themselves in the power position by withholding the truth from you.